Dilemma

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

The Fray, How to save a life ©

Alex hit the dashboard angrily, having parked rather unsuccessfully in front of the restaurant. He could feel the frustration gnawing at him, digging at the back of his mind, surprisingly successfully. He was going to go mad. His instructor had said to him earlier that day: don't drive recklessly. We all know what you're like. The blonde made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl and put his hands over his eyes. If she'd had the same day as him, even she, miss woman-of-steel, would drive a bit crazily. He sighed properly this time, looking around blearily at the cars wheeling round him and cursing at his bad parking. He turned the key roughly in the ignition and reversed more accurately into the parking space, stopping abruptly when he was done and slamming the door loudly behind him when he got out. He wondered whether Sarah was here, crammed in the busy, steamed-up restaurant. They had agreed to meet here at about 6:15, but now it was considerably later. Alex glanced at his watch. 7:05. Excellent. He looked up to the sky, as though it might offer him some sort of consolation for his pains, twilight blue and cloud-strewn as it was.

Damn him. Why couldn't he have kept his feelings to himself like a normal, lovesick school boy? He cringed at the term outwardly. But it was true. It was all true. And now he had left Jaec in some…goddamnit, Field somewhere, to cry probably and to never hear from again. He hoped. Or did he? Alex clenched his teeth and tried not to remember the meeting, as the words floating hauntingly in his mind.

"You can't like me, you just can't. We've been friends for years!"

"Can't?! CAN'T!!" He had laughed self-mockingly and spun in a kind of half-circle, throwing his hands violently in the air and bringing them back to his sides,

"What do you think I've been telling myself for the past 2 years? What exactly?!"

"Then why are you telling me? How can I help you?"

"You can't fucking help me. You make me sound like a fucking basket case!"

"Did you think I would like you back? That I would suddenly come out?!"

"No! Fuck no! Alex -." He had taken the blonde's shoulder, a look of desperation on his already upset face.

"What do you think I am? I haven't changed."

"But you have. You've changed to me." And that was it. A lot of screaming later, they had come to this life-threatening conclusion. Alex had driven away, a lot more than the road on his mind and his only objective: to meet Sarah. To tell her? No. To see her? Touch her golden hair and skin?...

He thought of Jaec sat on the cold, wet grass of the field. Absolutely struck dumb with the force of Alex's words, perhaps. Reality landing. This hardened the blonde's resolve to go into the restaurant and he entered, scanning it quickly for his girlfriend.